To Have Loved And Lost
by Princess dogooder
Summary: Sophia loses her battle with Alzheimer's disease. How will Dorothy cope with the lose of her mother. Warning it's a tearjerker
1. Concern

Disclaimer: I don't own Golden Girls

* * *

"Girls I am really concerned about Ma," Dorothy said.

"Is something wrong with her," Rose asked.

"No Rose. She's perfectly fine. I just worry about her as a hobby," Dorothy said sarcastically.

"Dorothy there's no need to be sarcastic," Blanche said.

Dorothy sighed deeply.

"I'm sorry," Dorothy said, "Yesterday she was talking about the time that Kate was born and she thought it was Michael. She forgot which one of her grandchildren was older."

"Well Dorothy she's 83 years old. It's likely that she would forget some things," Blanche said.

"It's not just some things," Dorothy replied, "Remember the check you got from her last month"

"What check," Blanche asked.

" Exactly," Dorothy replied.

"Dorothy," Blanche said, "It's not like you never forget too."

"Do I forget all the time," Dorothy asked, "Do I call my son Kate? Do I forget which one of my children were born first?"

"Yes no and no," Blanche said with a joking smile, "Look I'm sure Sophia is fine. Knowing her she's probably doing that to get even with you."

"What would she be trying to get even with me for?"

"For always threatening to send her back to Shady Pines," Blanche said.


	2. Suprise

Sophia came into the kitchen.

"Good morning pussycat," she said.

"Ma sit down," Dorothy said.

Sophia sat down.

"I'm worried about you," Dorothy told her.

"Why is that," Sophia asked.

"Ma which one of my children were born first," Dorothy asked.

"Kate," Sophia replied, "What's the point?"

"The other day you were talking about the one time you loved Stan and you were talking about when Michael was born but Michael is twenty-nine and Kate is 36."

"And I'm 82," Sophia said, "What's the point?"

"You forgot Kate was born first," Dorothy said.

"No. I didn't like Stan when Kate was born and I was furious with him for missing her birth. He was there when Michael was born."

"It's not just that," Dorothy said, "Ma you've been forgetting everything lately. Look I know something's wrong and I want you to go to the doctor today."

"No," Sophia said, "I've already been to the doctor."

"You have," Blanche Rose and Dorothy asked.

"A week ago," Sophia said, "I don't want to talk about it."

She went into her bedroom and slammed the door. Dorothy Rose and Blanche followed her.


	3. What's Wrong With Sophia

"Ma," Dorothy said, "What did the doctor say?"

"What part of 'I don't want to talk about this' do you not understand," Sophia snapped, "It's not a big deal anyway."

"Sophia clearly this is bothering you," Rose said, "Now back in Saint Olaf-""

"Rose," Sophia asked, "Are you really going to tell another Saint Olaf story?"

"It all started with a pig," Rose said

"FINE," Sophia snapped, "I'll tell you what the doctor said. I have Alzheimer- happy?"

...

"Ma," Dorothy said, "What do you mean you have Alzheimer's?"

"I hardly think that's confusing," Sophia said, "My brain is turning to mush"

"Well Sophia surely he gave you medication to stop it in it's tracks," Rose suggested.

"Ma," Dorothy said, "I want to talk to this doctor of yours. Don't even try to argue about this one."

"I won't Pussycat," Sophia said, "His name is Dr. Pines. He's at... um... hold on I think I have a card somewhere."

It took twenty minutes of searching but


	4. Sophia's Announcement

"Ma," Dorothy said, "What did the doctor say?"

"What part of 'I don't want to talk about this' do you not understand," Sophia snapped, "It's not a big deal anyway."

"Sophia clearly this is bothering you," Rose said, "Now back in Saint Olaf-""

"Rose," Sophia asked, "Are you really going to tell another Saint Olaf story?"

"It all started with a pig," Rose said

"FINE," Sophia snapped, "I'll tell you what the doctor said. I have Alzheimer- happy?"

...

"Ma," Dorothy said, "What do you mean you have Alzheimer's?"

"I hardly think that's confusing," Sophia said, "My brain is turning to mush"

"Well Sophia surely he gave you medication to stop it in it's tracks," Rose suggested.

"Ma," Dorothy said, "I want to talk to this doctor of yours. Don't even try to argue about this one."

"I won't Pussycat," Sophia said, "His name is Dr. Pines. He's at... um... hold on I think I have a card somewhere."

It took twenty minutes of searching but finally Sophia found the card. She handed it to Dorothy.

"Rose," Dorothy said, "I need you to take care of ma for a few hours. Blanche my car is in the shop. I need to borrow yours. I'll be back as soon as I can."

Blanche tossed Dorothy the keys"


	5. You Can Count on Me

Dorothy sat in Dr. Pines' office. He smiled at her reassuringly.

"I want to talk to you about my mother," Dorothy said, "You recently told her she has Alzheimer's and I want to know how I can better care for her."

"Certainly," Dr. Pines said, "Lets start with daily living. You want to find activities for your mother that can help her build on the skills she already has. Help her get started and praise her for every step she makes right"

"Kind of like when I was potty training my children," Dorothy said.

"In a way that's exactly what it's like," Dr. Pines said, "But you need to break it down into small steps. Look for any signs of frustration and if you see that gently distract her. Now lets talk about bathing..."

He went over everything with her from personal care to the signs Sophia should stop driving to preparing for the end. Dorothy thanked him, shook his hand and left.

"What did the doctor say," Blanche asked Dorothy later as Dorothy filled them in.

"You can count on us to help," Blanche said sincerely.

"I know I can," Dorothy said, "It means so much to me to have you guys in my life."

"You can count on me too," Rose said.

"I know I can Rose," Dorothy said hugging her.

"Now come on girls," Blanche said, "How about some cheesecake"

"Sounds GREAT to me," Dorothy replied.

"Good," Blanche said smiling, "Come on."

Dorothy followed them into the kitchen.


	6. Getting Ready For The End Part One

It was only a few months before Sophia began to seriously decline. Doctor Pines said there wasn't much more that could be done and recommended putting Sophia in a nursing home. Dorothy thanked him and told him she would think about it. Her heart was falling apart.

"I'm sorry Dorothy," Dr. Pine said, "I wish there WAS something that could be done."

"I know you do," Dorothy said, "I have to go."

When she got back home she closed the door and cried.

"Gloria," Sophia asked hearing her daughter's cries.

"No ma," Dorothy said gently, "It's me; Dorothy."

"Oh... Pussycat... what's wrong?"

"Nothing ma," Dorothy said, "I just hate to see you falling apart like this."

"Sweetheart I'm old," Sophia said, "We knew it was going to happen sooner or later. The doctor says I don't have much time."

Dorothy didn't say a word.

"Dorothy let me tell you a story. Picture it. New York City 1958. A young girl is giving birth to her first child. Everyone is sure it's going to be a boy. The father has the nursery ready all in blue but at 7:18 PM the Putz and Mrs. Putz finds out that the baby is a girl. The putz was really disappointed until he saw his baby for the first time."


	7. Getting Ready For The End Part two

"Ma that was my story," Dorothy said, "We had to redecorate the nursery... well **Stan **had to redecorate the nursery."

"Yes," Sophia said, "and do you remember what Stan said when he saw Kate for the first time?"

"Yes. He said, 'oh GOD she has your nose," Dorothy said.

"And then he said, 'you know I wanted a boy but I got this girl and this girl is better then any boy'," Sophia added.

"And I'm sure there's a point to this," Dorothy said gently.

"The point is that sometimes things in life doesn't happen the way you want it to happen and you have to readjust."

"But ma I don't want to readjust to losing you. I love you."

"I know pussycat and I love you too, but remember this. Even in a few months when the end comes I'm not going to be leaving you. I will be watching over you every minute. I love you Pussycat. I always will."

"Ma," Dorothy said, "Doctor Pines thinks I should put you in a nursing home. He thinks you need more help then I'm capable of giving to you."

"Will you come and visit me Pussycat?"

Dorothy's eyes filled up with tears.

"Every day," she promised.

"It's like I told you when you were nineteen. You have to do what you have to do," Sophia said


	8. It's So Hard To Say Goodbye

Dorothy smiled through her tears.

"I didn't listen back then," she said, "But I think I have to listen now."

A few days later Dorothy checked Sophia into a beautiful nursing home. Dorothy cried. Sophia cried. But they knew it had to be done.

"I'll see you tomorrow," Dorothy promised Sophia.

Tomorrow never came. Dorothy was in a deep sleep when she got the phone call.

"We need you to come down to the nursing home," the caller said.

She was down in under 5 minutes.

"Dorothy," the doctor said, "I'm sorry to tell you this but Sophia passed away in her sleep tonight."

It was too much for Dorothy. She burst into tears and sank down to the floor.

After she had stopped crying she called the house. Blanche answered the phone.

"It's four in the morning," she mumbled, "Who are you and what do you want?"

"Blanche it's me," Dorothy said through her tears.

"Dorothy? Honey where are you?"

"Down at the nursing home," Dorothy said starting to cry again.


	9. And So The End Has Come

Hearing the sound of Dorothy's voice it wasn't hard for her to figure out what had happened.

"Oh no," Blanche whispered, "When?"

"About 20 minutes ago," Dorothy said, "It was in her sleep so at least she wasn't in pain but I never got a change to say goodbye. She doesn't know I love her."

"Dorothy you stay right there," Blanche said, "I'm coming to get you."

"Thank you," Dorothy said, "I seriously owe you."

"Oh forget that," Blanche said, "I'll be right there"

Blanche woke Rose up gently.

"Rose," she said, "We need to go to the nursing home. We need to go right now"

"Why," Rose asked rubbing her eyes.

"Honey Sophia died about twenty minutes ago. Dorothy's down at the nursing home and she can't be alone right now."

Rose shot up out of bed quick as a wink.

"Just give me 10 minutes to get dressed," she said.

She was dressed in 5 minutes even. Blanche handed Rose the keys. She was too shaken up to drive and she hated driving at night ever since George had been killed in that accident.

"Blanche I don't think Dorothy is going to be herself for awhile," Rose said, "We're going to need to be very patient with her."

"I know that Rose," Blanche said, "She's been through a horrible thing."

They pulled up to the nursing home."


	10. Heaven And Earth Past And Present

For anyone who hasn't seen much of Golden Girls Phil (Dorothy's brother) was a cross dresser (he would dress in girl's clothing))

* * *

Meanwhile in heaven Sophia felt really good. She wasn't sick. She wasn't in pain and she was with her Sal again. Nothing could compare to this day. She was going to see Phil too. Hopefully he wouldn't be dressed in girls garb. It didn't matter though because she loved him no matter WHAT he looked like.

For the first time in 19 years she danced with her husband. For the first time in 19 years she ate food that tasted like food instead of wet cornflakes. For the first time in 19 years she was at peace. All the hurt disappeared. All the fear she had vanished. She was happy again. She looked down from heaven to see Dorothy. Dorothy was obviously distraught about the loss she had just gone through.

Sophia smiled when she saw Rose and Blanche with their arms around Dorothy. She had taught them a long time ago that family is the most important thing. She could remember the conversation like it was yesterday.

_Rose and Blanche were fighting about something stupid. _

_"Yo tweedle-dumb and tweedle-dee front and center," Sophia had said._

_Blanche and Rose had listened to Sophia._

_"SIT," Sophia said_


	11. Lesson Learned

_Blanche and Rose had both sat down._

_"Blanche," Sophia said, "You charge $500.00 a month right?"_

_"Sophia that's not what this argument is about," Rose and Blanche both said._

_"I KNOW THAT," Sophia replied, "Shut up and listen cause I got a point."_

_"Sorry Sophia," Blanche said._

_"Suppose that Dorothy or me or Rose forget to pay one month."_

_"Um... okay?"_

_"So what would you do?"_

_"What do you mean," Blanche asked._

_"Would you toss said person out," Sophia asked._

_"Never," Blanche exclaimed, "You are like my family... all of you."_

_"EXACTLY," Sophia said, "Rose is like your sister and yes she ruined your car but __**nothing **__is more important then family. You can replace a car. You can't replace a person."_

It was right at that time that Blanche and Rose learned that lesson and now they were applying it. Blanche was practically holding Dorothy up while Rose was rubbing her back.

"Sophia," Sal said, "There's someone who wants to see you."

Sophia looked up. It was her baby boy Phil.

"Ma," he said running to hug her, "I missed you"

"Oh I missed you too baby," Sophia said, "and you're wearing a pants suit... I'm so proud"


	12. All Through The Night

Phil laughed.

"Yeah well it's a special occasion. I knew you were coming so I thought I'd wear something you'd like."

Back on Earth Dorothy was not so happy. She sat in the car numb. Her mother had died. It was horrible for her.

"Ma and I might have fought but she saw me through everything," Dorothy said, "From labor to Michael's bout with cancer-"

"Michael had cancer," Rose asked.

"When he was 4," Dorothy replied, "Diagnosed on Kate's 8th birthday. If it weren't for ma we wouldn't have made it through."

"You know Dorothy," Blanche said, "I lost a mother and I lost a daughter and I lost a daddy too. It will get easier."

They pulled into the driveway.

"Dorothy," Blanche said, "Rose why don't you two stay in my bedroom tonight."

"Thank you Blanche," Dorothy said, "I really did not feel like being alone."

They talked literally through the night. The next day they had Sophia's funeral. That was going to be the hardest day for all of them. For Blanche it brought back memories of her daughter's funeral.


	13. Eulogy

At Sophia's funeral Dorothy gave the eulogy.

"You know my friend one time said that you never realize at the time how precious the time you have with the people you love is. Nothing can be truer. Sometimes you get mad or impatient or you act in a way that you don't realize is hurting not only the person you love but yourself too. Ma always taught me never to forget what's most important and that is love. You could fight and argue and fuss and get mad but when it really comes down to it never forget to tell the person how much you love them. If I could there is so much I would tell my mother.

"I would tell her she's more then my mother she's my best friend. I would tell her that she helped me get through the awkward years when I felt lost and alone and like the oddball out. I would tell her I was sorry about the times I got mad at her or was impatient with her or threatened to send her back to shady pines. I would tell her that I found it amazing that even as her memory was going she still remembered the important things. She got a little mixed up sure but she would remember what mattered. She was the only person I could trust with my son when he had cancer besides myself and my ex husband. I would tell her that I love her and Ma... never forget that okay?"

Sophia had attended her funeral. She needed to be there to support Dorothy even though she knew Dorothy couldn't hear her.

"I know Pussycat," she said, "I always knew you loved me. Dorothy I'm in an incredible place. Everything I lost I have now and one day YEARS from now you will join me and everything will be **perfect**. It's like I told you 36 years ago Dorothy. You'll **never **be alone because I will always be there and I'm here now in your heart"


	14. Rose Kicks Out A Guest

Nearly a month passed and one day Blanche had a guest. This guest turned out to be rude and unpleasant. She made comments about everything and then finally she pushed it to far by making fun of Alzheimer.

"ENOUGH IS ENOUGH," Rose yelled, "NOW MY FRIEND JUST LOST HER MOTHER TO THAT DISEASE AND YOU HAVE THE NERVE TO MAKE FUN OF PEOPLE WITH IT. YOU ARE MEAN CRUEL AND NOT NICE AND AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED YOU'RE SLIME. GET THE HECK OUT AND NEVER SHOW YOUR FACE AROUND HERE AGAIN"

The woman left in a huff. Blanche and Dorothy stared at Rose with their eyes opened wide.

"I'm sorry Blanche," Rose said, "I know it's your house and I didn't have the right to throw another person out but that woman had gone to far."

"Don't be sorry," Blanche said, "I was about 2 minutes away from doing that. You saved me the trouble"

"Rose I'm just amazed you actually kicked someone out," Dorothy said, "You have NEVER done that before."

"Dorothy are you okay," Blanche asked gently.

"Sometimes," Dorothy said, "Other times not so much."

"Is now a 'not so much' time?"


	15. The Swing of Things

Dorothy was quite for a minute and then she responded.

A little," she admitted, "I miss ma a lot today."

Dorothy sunk down to the sofa then she looked up trying to distract herself.

"Oh Blanche," she said, "I know I'm a little late with the rent check this month. I'll get it to you tomorrow."

"Dorothy I don't care about the damn rent," Blanche said, "I care about **you **and what you've been going through."

"Could I pay you next week," Rose asked.

"I don't care if you don't pay me at all ever again," Blanche replied, "That's not a suggestion by the way."

"I didn't think it was," Rose said laughing.

Dorothy laughed too.

"I forgot how good it felt to laugh," Dorothy said.

"You know," Rose said, "It might help you to get back in the swing of things."

"I'm trying Rose," Dorothy said, "I just don't know how."

"We'll be there for you honey," Blanche said.

"Years ago we made a pact," Rose said, "Do you remember it?"

"Yes we said we would always be there for each other. We would never abandon each other no matter what."

"That's a pact I will always keep," Blanche said

They knew the day would come when they would no longer be together but the day would come where they would be. Sophia looked down and smiled at the three girls who had become like her children. She loved them all.


	16. Reunited

Blanche was the first to go. She fell asleep one night and when she woke up she saw George standing by her bed ready to take her hand.

"Honey," he said, "It's time to go back home."

Blanche smiled and took his hand. This was four years after Sophia died and she was looking forward to seeing Sophia again sure but what was more important was she had George again. As long as she had George she could handle anything.

"Don't worry Pussycat," Sophia said, "You won't be alone when you go."

It was a week after Blanche's funeral when Rose and Dorothy were driving home. They were hit by a drunk driver. They died on impact. There was no pain. They died and they found themselves in heaven. Sophia and Blanche were the first faces they saw.

"Welcome home Pussycat," Sophia said.

"Ma," Dorothy said, "Oh I missed you so much."

"I missed you too but you did good kid. Come let me show you to our home."

They followed Sophia to a house that looked very familiar. It was an exact copy of their house on Earth.

"Here there is no rent, no water or light bills, nothing breaks, you never have to be alone and Dorothy can have a date once in awhile," Sophia said adding the last one on in a teasing way.


	17. The Golden Girls Again Plus Their Men

"Ma this place is perfect," Dorothy said.

"Hope you don't mind ladies," George said, "But I'm sharing the house too."

"Mind," Rose said, "Of course we don't mind. It's such a pleasure to finally meet you"

The doorbell rang. Rose ran to answer the door. It was Charlie.

"Got room for one more," he asked.

"Are you kidding," Rose exclaimed throwing her arms around the man she had always and would always love, "ALWAYS! Blanche that's alright with you isn't it?"

Blanche laughed.

"Honey this is every bit as much your place as it is mine," she said, "and even if it were back on Earth your family would **always **be welcome."

"Now everyone get washed up," Sophia said, "I'm fixing dinner."

"Ma are you sure you should be cooking," Dorothy said, "I mean with your situation..."

"Dorothy I don't have Alzheimer's anymore," Sophia explained, "It doesn't exist here."

There was a joy that they all felt. They knew they would all be together forever now. It wasn't like it was before. They weren't alone. They were reunited with the people they love and it was like it was on Earth. To love and lost is better then never to have loved at all, but to have loved and been reunited with the people you love for even better then that. They were the Golden Girls again. Their days were full of sunshine and their arms were full of love because they were also reunited with the men they love.


End file.
